Snow, They Never Knew Ye.

I love it when it snows in Portland. The beauty of a snow-covered urban terrain provides a completely different feeling and contrast to that of the woodsy, field ridden countryside of my youth. Not to say that it’s any better or worse, just different.

Aside from that, the rarity of the occurrence here makes it more magical each time it happens. When I lived in Maryland, one could pretty much guarantee a good blanketing at least once or twice a season, requiring a yearly closet scouring for a pair of matching gloves and last years boots, making sure they all still fit. Along with it came a few hours of unpaid labor for my brother and me, shoveling the driveway like indentured servants to provide my mother with unnecessary but imminent escape. Following this winter tradition, we would hunt for the best local sledding spots and create any excuse to continue to wander through the white, icy utopia.

This routine made no school-snow days hard to come by, usually requiring up to a foot of snow for even a few-hour delay. My dad worked for Baltimore county, (and in turn, the enemy) and would leave the house in the middle of the night, driving his company snow plow to work and aiding to clear the roads before the morning rush. This countywide punctual preparation for the crippling winter weather grows exponentially based on each county’s increasingly bleached history. In the same vein, counties without consistent snowfall lack the felicitous accouterments to properly cope. Thus, a smattering of snow causes a city like Portland to cripple amusingly, making every inch a tiny snowy apocalypse.

The most scarily amusing thing about Portland snowstorms is the lack of driver’s education in Multnomah County for them, and the ensuing traffic issues that provide me with hours of entertainment, from the news, the streets, and the hill outside my bedroom window, proving why the city shuts down like a holiday for a single inch. Watching Portlanders drive in the snow is like watching a dog try to stand in the back of a truck. Thank you Portland, for being a ridiculous parody of yourselves and providing me with a jovial laughter seemingly lost due to my complete lack of holiday spirit.